No: The Simplest, Most Difficult Word To Say

I love children- most of the time anyway (I mean, no one loves children ALL the time, right??) 

I especially love younger children- from the age where they have just learnt to speak to that point before they begin to get self- conscious. Why? Because they haven’t learnt about the pressure to conform yet so they don’t filter their speech 

Can you guess what their favourite word is (apart from maybe ‘Mine!’). Yep, you guessed right: “No”

“Emily, be nice and share your toys with your friends”. “No!”

“Jack, Go brush your teeth for bed”, “No!”

“Daisy, you need to pee in the potty” “No!”

Yeah, I know half the time, you want to wring their little necks but don’t you just love ‘em?

There are no misconceptions of what they mean or where they stand and if they don’t agree with something, you’ll not need to guess.

You were probably the same as a kid but as we grow older and we learn the noble act of diplomacy, the lines between the words no, yes and maybe get blurred

No- such a simple but powerful and useful word. And yet we don’t use it nearly as often as we should.

As a result, we either burn out or burn with resentment and bitterness. Don’t believe me? Just ask people pleasers

As a recovering chronic people-pleaser, I found myself “ping-ponging” between burnout and resentment more times than I could count. I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror most times. 

And I know I’m not the only one. 

You’re probably asking the same question I’m asking: Why is it so difficult to say ‘No’, even though most of us recognise the need for it?

Here are some reasons for you:

• You don’t want to hurt or disappoint anyone- especially if you feel they are counting on you

• You would rather avoid the conflict-  I mean, everyone wants to get along with everyone, right?

• You want to be liked: After all, no ones likes to be hated

• You want to be seen as unique – Think superman. Ok, doesn’t even have to be that fairytale-ish. Just think of moms in general AKA Supermoms (you’re probably one yourself)

All those reasons are perfectly understandable, right? Yet we lose a part of ourselves every time we know we ought to say no (and yes, most of the time, deep down we do know) and we don’t

Imagine how different life would have been for Samson if he’d said no to Delilah’s demands

Or David if he had said no to his attraction to Bathsheba

Or the ‘man of God’ in 1Kings 13 if he’d said no to the deceit of the prophet

Here are why it’s absolutely imperative you perfect the act of saying ‘no’ when you need to, as soon as possible

Saying no, usually means saying yes: 

Recently, I decided to start saying ‘no’ to work and activities that took me away from my family on Sundays. As someone who leads a busy life, I realised if I didn’t get intentional about making time for my young family, I’ll never get round to it. So for me, saying ‘no’ to working on Sundays means saying ‘yes’ to time with my family

Saying no means you value your time: 

It has been said that time is one of- if not the most- valuable commodities we have. We can lose money and make it back. But we can never get the time we lose, so being passionately and jealously tuned in to how we spend whatever time we have is wise

Saying no means being able to focus on your priorities – 

I didn’t say it- Steve Jobs did

Saying no promotes wellbeing 

Rest. You know, that underestimated activity we tend to take for granted? Well, it’s no wonder it’s the first thing we sacrifice on the altar of our inability to say no. How about self-worth and self-confidence? Just try saying no to indiscipline, fear, temptation and worry and see those attributes (self-worth and confidence) soar!

Here’s the bottom line: It’s not a question of whether we should say no and say it more often (that’s a given). So far, you can see that I highly recommend it. It’s a question of learning to say it when you ought and with as much grace as you can

Remember: Every time we say no to something we ought to say no to (like fear or unimportant stuff), we are saying yes to something that matters: our work, our relationships, our resources, our margin. 

How often do you say no in order to say yes to what really matters to you?