REBUILDING FROM WITHIN—STRENGTHENING YOURSELF AND RELATIONSHIP AFTER INFIDELITY

In a relationship, infidelity can be one of the most devastating experiences, leaving people feeling alone, ashamed, and unsure of their future. True healing is often misunderstood by many couples who are dealing with betrayal. This week on Arise with Eloho’s Throwback Thursday, Marriage Success Coach Adaeze shares her inspiring story of transforming suffering into meaning and guiding others through the challenging process of re-establishing trust and healing from infidelity.

 

Meet Adaeze: A Journey from Betrayal to Breakthrough

Adaeze’s relationship coaching started with the simplest Facebook post. After going through infidelity in her marriage and six long years of healing and rebuilding, she posted her story on social media.

 

This post, with 500,000 views, had gone viral and opened the floodgates for many other people who were seeking guidance out of the darkness. “I didn know what coaching was,” she recalls. “I just knew people needed guidance, so I started sharing more content.”

 

Even amidst criticism, she found a blueprint for healing–a system that has transformed many lives and many marriages. Far too many couples are suffering, just suppressing their pain in silence, thinking that they are alone in this. According to Adaeze, “Sometimes all someone needs is hope.”

 

Her husband and she have commenced coaching couples worldwide to help them rebuild their relationships following betrayal.

Misconceptions About Healing After Betrayal

 

Many people are desperately trying to heal because they believe in certain misguided beliefs about recovering from infidelity. Adaeze mentions three (3) potent misconceptions:

 

1.​ Quick fixes never work: Some people think that by apologizing, having a romantic getaway, or buying expensive gifts, they’ll be able to mend the wounds of betrayal. Nothing wrong with these things; they’re just not going to heal the deeper emotional trauma costs. They’re just plasters; they never, ever last. True healing takes time, effort, and most importantly, intentionality.

 

2.​ Forgiveness and also trust is not always mutually exclusive: A common misconception is that people expect a partner to automatically restore trust once forgiven. Forgiveness is a choice; rebuilding trust through consistent actions, honesty, and transparency is an altogether different choice.

 

3.​ Underestimating the depth of pain: Infidelity impacts the brain the same way as losing a loved one during bereavement; it even has the potential to trigger post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Many people believe they must just move on, but that sometimes ignores pain that could lead to long-term emotional damage. In its place are ways to deal with emotions, seek support, and go through intentional healing steps.

 

The Healing Process: Steps to Rebuild Trust and Confidence

 

If, after the betrayal, you choose to stay, there are primary steps to healing and rebuilding trust that you might want to consider:

 

1.​ Forgive for Your Own Healing: Forgiveness is for the wronged one, not for the wrongdoer. Letting the resentment boil inside destroys the one holding such feelings more than anything to that person. Design to cut away the emotional burden and press on with your healing process. “For those who lean into this transformation, their marriage can become stronger than it ever was.”

 

2.​ Observe, Don’t Control: Understand that building trust takes time. Rather than controlling your partner’s actions, observe their behavior.

• ​ Are they being transparent?

 

• ​ Are they following through on their promises? Trust is rebuilt through small but consistent actions.

 

3.​ Be Open to Relearning: With infidelity, the knowledge of your partner is shattered. Rebuilding trust means being receptive to new dynamics and reacting wisely rather than impulsively.

 

4.​ The Betrayer Should Take Responsibility: A process of healing needs a lot of humility from the side of the betrayer. They must, then, be able to:

• ​ Keep reassuring their partner by checking in regularly.

 

• ​ Avoid situations that could lead to triggers and feelings of insecurity.

 

• ​ Be patient with their partner during the healing process.

 

5.​ Listen to God’s Still Small Voice: A lot of people forget to seek God’s guidance during the dark times in and of marriage. According to the words of Adaeze, “I remember praying … and God said to me, ‘You can’t let that man go!'” Listening to divine wisdom could be a great source of clarity and help in restoring broken relationships.

 

Regaining Confidence and Self-Worth After Betrayal

By infidelity, the partner faced with betrayal is left with a slew of self-doubt and shame. They’ll be wondering: “Was I not enough?” “Could I have done something differently?” But someone else’s betrayal does not define one’s worth. How do you regain your confidence?

 

1.​ Refuse to wallow in shame and self-blame: Those feelings are for the one who betrayed you, not you. Affirm your worth – Speak life into yourself; take a stand, and

acknowledge your journey toward wholeness.

2.​ Separate yourself from the actions of others: Betrayal happens everywhere in the sphere of friends, business, and even faith. Don’t take someone else’s failure to stick to commitments on you. While fear may come, your mindset will determine your method of healing.

 

3.​ Reframe Your Thoughts to Scripture: The Bible advises us to take full control of our thoughts: “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” – 2 Corinthians 10:5 (KJV) Instead of thinking of the great relationship that could have been, replace those thoughts with visions of a healed, thriving one and begin speaking those blessings into existence.

 

Healing after infidelity is not easy, but it is possible. Whether you choose to stay or walk away, the key is to prioritize your emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being.

Adaeze’s journey proves that with faith, effort, and the right guidance, healing can lead to something even stronger than before. “Sometimes, all someone needs is hope.”

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For more insights on relationships, healing from betrayal and rebuilding trust, follow

Instagram: Adaeze

 

Article compiled and edited by Praise Afolabi.

The views expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not reflect the opinions of HeartsongLive or its team.